On the latest episode of her podcast, Christina Applegate admitted that she’s struggling with depression and doesn’t “enjoy living” due to her ongoing battle with MS.
“I’m in a depression right now, which I don’t think I’ve felt that for years,” Applegate said MeSsy, the podcast she shares with Jamie-Lynn Sigler. “Like a real, f— it all depression where it’s kind of scaring me to a little bit because it feels really fatalistic.”
“I’m trapped in like this darkness right now that I haven’t felt like… I don’t even know how long, probably 20-something years.”
Due to the way MS has impacted both her body and her life, Applegate doesn’t find enjoyment in her day to day.
“This is being really honest…I don’t enjoy living,” she said. “I don’t enjoy it. I don’t enjoy things anymore.”
Cost-host Sigler, who also struggles with MS and has been a major support system for Applegate, validated her feelings.
“It’s so hard to live in a disabled body,” Sigler said. “It is so hard. I will not take that away from you and I am right there with you.
“But what makes it harder is when you compare it to how it used to be….Once we get you to this place where we’re accepting that this is how it’s going to be, maybe forever…”
“[Having MS] is not a reason enough for you to stop living because I sit here across from you and you still make me laugh like nobody else can. You still make me smile. You make me feel loved.”
Christina Applegate Opens Up About Depression Amid MS Battle
The Dead to Me actress also admitted that she’s been hesitant to speak with a therapist about her emotions.
“I have avoided therapy since I’ve been diagnosed because I’m so afraid to start crying and that I’m not going to be able to end crying,” Applegate confessed. “I’m so afraid for those floodgates to open and that I won’t be able to stop.”
Despite being afraid, however, she revealed that she did, in fact, get in touch with her longtime therapist.
“I feel like you owe it to yourself to cry and really, really go there,” Sigler encouraged Applegate. “You gotta just, you gotta allow yourself to feel that stuff. You can’t keep pushing it away, otherwise you’re gonna be where you’re at right now. You’re like in a purgatory, you know?”